Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
