I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
