She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
