My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
