At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
