Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
