First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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