I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
