I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
