i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
