ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
