I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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