Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
