Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The best revenge is premature balding
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You pole danced in your parka.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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