happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
