then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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