so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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