So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
