when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
