U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
