I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
