When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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