Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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