I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
