he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize