I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
