Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
