I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
