I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
