have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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