I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
