I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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