My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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