I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just gargled with NyQuil
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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