barbara walters just said penis...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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