Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
