No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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