so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
