Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
