Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Are we still banned from the library?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
