I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
