worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
