Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
