i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
