its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
