Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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