Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
