Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
