Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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