I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
