quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
