Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
