I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
