porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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