does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
