what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
