theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize