if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
