This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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