dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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