I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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