apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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