he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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