I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
