Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize