meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
